#SoCs What do I Want?

In response to #SoCS Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt: Want.

I want, I want, what do I want?

Lately, I´ve let myself flow with the day, absorved in the tight routine the whole family has set in order to avoid chaos. Yet chaos seems to follow us everyday, or at least, follow the grownups, the kids are doing great with their homeworks, online classes, music practices. Us, the happy parents, are “enjoying” quarantine in a very different way.

I´ve tried to follow the Schedule, have meals at the same hour every day, use the computer when the kids have no class and I can edit my posts. Work with the phone and notebooks when not, and keeping enough sanity to do house chores. When fibromyalgia attacked, hubby had to help between work meetings and home office, washing dishes, ordering tacos or pizza. Might sound terrific, but we can´t live off from pizza and somedays, it might be 8:00 pm and he´s still working. Or the days he´s off at 5, the kids have too much homework and sleep late. No evening TV to relax.

And yesterday, I saw this challenge and asked myself: what do I want? For real, not more money for pizza, or more computer time. Is it something lacking in my life?

Health. This is something I really want. My health back. Last week we saw a doctor about my jaw joint disorder, and I could see that he was slightly impressed when I wrote on my medical record sheet that I expected to improve my life quality (a phrase I hate, by the way). I was expecting no miracle treatment, which would stop migraines and pain. Maybe that made easier for the doctor to explain us about the treatment, and for my husband to understand my chronic illness better. He really hoped for that magic pill, I regret to say.

Joy. I want to have loads of happy anecdotes and memories with my family. It´s hard to stay away from my parents, until this pandemic ends. Technology makes this easier, but still, it feels as if we were still living on a foreign country. These days, with the family at home, it feels like a huge weekend, trying to share our meals together, everyone helping a bit at home, sometimes having a time off technology to chat about anything, just joking and having fun, or watching a movie together. Last weekend, a little mouse came home, the dog was the first to notice, and we spent all saturday evening closed in the kitchen thinking ways to hunt it. We succeed, and yesterday, we let it free in the park. Is it weird that we really had fun with such a silly moment? it was a great anecdote, and the kind of stories I will remember when the kids grow up and go living their own lives.

Safety. I want to feel safe when going out in the streets again. It´s so sad to hear that criminality has soared during quarantine, and as the time passes, it won´t diminish soon in my country. I worry for my kids, who will take the bus to their schools again. I almost didn´t go out much, anyway. During the week, we saw the ending of Bohemian Rhapsody, the movie on TV, my son telling us how weird he felt at looking the stadium crammed with people, almost wanting to yell them to keep their distance. And he´s right. The world will not be the same we lived in last year, just as it isn´t the same world we saw as kids, when we could go out alone, without any worries.

Nevermind the crazy routine we have, or that I can´t remember which day it is today, we all are happy living here together, no rush to go back outside. And after all, I´m enjoying the free time I have to write. Because this is one of the little things that I love the most: writing.

P.S. And marshmallows. Can someone send me some, please? I´m hungry.




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